Rachell787-Oops!

Sorry-I don't remember what we were talking about, beyond the fact that teenagers smell. But I would say that the 7, 8 and 7 in your web alias add up to 22-my favorite number! Y'all write back now, ya hear?

Re-Miss

A couple old posts got lost in the Shaw-ffle when I changed my blog around. My apologies to Rachell787 and meggieD-for your weird names-what were your parents thinking!

Firstly, meggieD wanted some stories about Woods Surround Us, the group home for teenagers where I work. I shared 2, one about a kid, the other involving an animal and fire.

1) Geroni-NNNNOOO!!!
BJ was the reckless type. He made his own bike ramp by resting a 2-by-4 on a flat basketball. He surf-sled into chain link fences. He dove off quarry ledges into waterholes of dubious depth-you get the picture!
Well, BJ played one too many games of 'Me Tarzan, You Jane' with Crystal, another staff. Jumping from tree to tree one sticky August night 2 years back, BJ landed on a dead branch that fell out from under, crashing him 40 feet straight down on his wrists! Ouch!
Several years and painful surgeries later, poor BJ still can't reach up any higher than his shoulders. So when he tries to dance The YMCA at a wedding or barbecue, he looks like an old security guard on the receiving end of a bank hold-up-"Here, take my wallet. Just please don't hurt me. I have grandchildren!"

2) Animal and fire.
The aforementioned Crystal has been a good chum for years. She used to work awake overnights with me, except she handled the girls. Something happened about a year ago. I remember the leaves were changing. Crystal started acting kinda funny.
Crystal always loved animals, said she 'identified with them'. Something about them being sweet, funny and furry. ( Crystal had a slight mustache problem. The Woods Surround Us staff skipped our Christmas party one year and put all of the catering money toward some electrolysis, which instead of helping actually seemed to worsen the situation somehow. More hair started showing up in Crystal's nostrils and on her earlobes, although maybe there was no connection. )
So anyway-at my work's last 4th of July party, it became Crystal-clear to me that my old comrade-in-arms required a little R & R...
Every year Woods Surround Us hosts a big summer shindig for the residents and their families, staff, neighbors, pretty much anyone. It's an all day affair. Last year at 3:00pm ( I remember the time because that's when General Hospital is on ABC, even though I don't watch it anymore. )-I was going into the kitchen for more potato salad, donated and done up just right by my wife Sandy.
Crystal was crouched under the sink, changing the garbage, I figured. But who was she talking to?...
"Chester, you CAN'T come in here! We DISCUSSED this. I'll save you some chips and salsa, but the chicken is undercooked. Give it back to me this instant! You KNOW the dangers of salmonella. Think of the little ones!"
I would like to say that Chester was speaking to a Woods Surround Us resident. Or a person. No such luck-Crystal was actually arguing with a wayward field mouse stuck under the sink, his little tail wrapped around a pipe.
Thinking fast, I asked Crystal if she could please bring a small bowl of fruit salad outside to Julio's grandmother, and I would free Chester. Against her better judgment, Crystal agreed.
I got Chester out of there and called up another coworker, Vance, at home. We took it upon ourselves to monitor the Crystal situation.
Which leads me to the fire story. Two weeks after the 4th of July party, Crystal was working her usual Tuesday overnight. Hungry for a snack, she tried to nuke some Ramen noodles in the microwave and punched in her 7-digit cell phone number instead of the very clearly labeled 3 minute required cooking time. The resulting minor explosion set off the fire alarm, of course, and when the truck and ambulance came, Crystal wasn't wearing any pants, and she kept blaming her mistake on the CIA.
...Suffice it to say, my friend is taking a well-needed break from the stresses of residential treatment. After she becomes stabilized with a combination of therapy and medications, I look forward with great anticipation to welcoming Crystal back to the fold!

Same Bat Time ( Same Bat Station )

Hey Pals!
Had some internet issues. But I'm back in the saddle with a new blog-www.tinfroyde.blogspot.com and a new email-shawtinfroyde@netzero.com. You reckon I can help with anything?

Old Post #16-What's Black and White and Red All Over?

No, not a newspaper. Me!-Embarassed that Kanye West tried to take Taylor Swift's microphone during the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards. There are some lines you just don't cross, Mr.West-"How could you be so heartless?"And Taylor, sleep well. We'll all be back there for you first thing in the morning-Hannah Montana cooking up some 'sweet niblets', Willie Nelson on standby in his next door tour bus with a doobie at the ready, Dolly Parton sitting at your trailer kitchen table, tossing back a little shine and dispensing downhome precious words to live by through the next poopy week or 2 before this tornado blows out of town. Stay strong, sympathetic and some kinda sexy, Miss Swift, and you shall overcome!

Old Post #15-Softball's For Girls ( Or Not ), Part 2

Hey pals,Rachell787's recent comment on a blog I wrote turned my head ( and turned my stomach at the prospect of maybe having to say I'm sorry to all you ladies out there! ) So here's my original blog, Rachell787's comments and my response. Chime in, gang!...

Softball's for GirlsAt our staff meeting last week, the Program Director Gerry at Woods Surround Us said that he wants to start a sports league. Beckett for Boys, another group home, has a great baseball diamond and outside football field, basketball court and swimming pool. ( Beckett apparently has a large endowment that allows them to buy and maintain such facilities. ) The Director at Beckett has proposed that the 6 group homes scattered throughout northern New Hampshire start a league, meet every Sunday afternoon from noon until 3:00pm and play alternating sports-soccer one week, basketball the next, then softball...Softball?Where is it written that every man over the age of 18 has to switch from playing baseball to softball? Is it because baseballs are smaller and harder and hurt more when you're hit by a pitch, get lost in the woods easier when you belt a homer, feel awesome at the end of your bat when you nail a game-winning double in the gap?I just don't get it. Smacking a softball-Where's the payoff? It's like hitting a wrapped-up wet towel, a kid's backpack or a chunk of sod.And softball is baseball in slow motion. I don't need an extra 10 minutes to turn a double play. No leading and stealing!? Who came up with this one? Or softball in the first place? Did Abner Doubleday have a cousin who never got picked to be on a team? And did this cousin run off and attempt to start a new American pastime? Well, it worked! Are you happy now!?All the standing around. Pitching underhanded. Going out later for appetizers and drinks and talking about work. I'm sorry, but softball is for girls.Bring back baseball. Kids play it still. Any man who doesn't have a son already playing can re-learn the sport by watching games on tv. And we can make any necessary adjustments.-Helmets for all fielders who are scared of being bonked, a 10-run scoring rule to prevent embarassing losses at the hands of much larger companies' teams. Each game the losers could be made to sneak a case of O'Doul's to dinner so no alcoholics present feel unfairly pressured to drink.Your thoughts?

2 comments:rachell787 said...After high school graduation, the only option to continue playing some form of softball was creating an intramural coed softball team at my college (unless, of course, I wanted to throw my studies by the wayside and allow a Division II fastpitch women's league to monopolize my time and all the hard work I've invested in my education...). I happened to be one of two girls on the team, the minimum requirement for making it coed, and I happen to think the guys on the team had a really great time. As a matter of fact, I've played on at least three different adult coed teams since then and I'm going to pull out the old saying "Don't knock it 'til you try it". I normally disagree completely with that phrase, bringing drugs and other illegal and immoral activities to mind when I object to it, but in this case, it's very true. You'd be surprised how much fun it is, mainly because there is so much more action than the slow-moving, fastpitch, overhand baseball game. The pitcher lobs in that big, fat, watermelon of a HARD softball (Have you ever felt a softball? Do you know that it's not actually soft, or that it doesn't feel like a "wet towel"?) and the hitter gets to hit it, pretty much every time (unless you suck or perhaps it's your first time playing slow-pitch softball) and strategically place, based on where your feet are and where you turn your hips and body, the ball where you can get on base. Additionally, it doesn't take longer to turn a double play because the base paths are considerably shorter than a baseball diamond's (Unless, of course, you don't know how or can't throw a softball...) And obviously, due to the nature of the slowwwww pitch coming into home plate, there is no leading a stealing, but you'd be surprised how far some people (even girls, like myself!) can hit those softballs and just how fun it can be to run around the bases. In a real coed softball game, there is no standing around - the game is very much alive, and you'll find it relies much more on the teamwork and communication defensively in addition to "clutch" hitting, rather than putting all the pressure on a pitcher to strike out every batter or only let them hit ground balls to the infield. You described one of the discrepancies between baseball and softball as involving how "awesome" it feels to hit the game-winning double, implying that you don't normally get that feeling in softball, but I beg to differ. Softball does have that, even more often than baseball, I would argue. And softball is for girls? The only times I remember feeling so awesome when I hit that "wrapped-up wet towel" were times when my doubles and triples sailed over the male center fielders' heads because they thought softball is for girls and only guys could hit it out that far. Pretty sweet. You'll often find, depending on the league, that the girls who play with the guys are just as able to hit those gappers and burn you in the outfield, and that coed softball isn't just for girls, that the competition is relatively even between the genders. I would also speak for my male teammates, and even my boyfriend whom I met playing on my summer coed softball team, when I say that the guys enjoy coed softball just as much as the girls do. Not for the drinking, as you implied, but because everyone is involved and it's a great social activity where you can stay active and most importantly have fun while doing it. I would highly recommend at some point in your years joining a coed team. I, and my male and female teammates, always look forward to the games on the summer weeknights, and consider it one of the better activities I spend my time participating in.

Shaw Tinfroyde said...Why, thank you, rachell787, for your very thoughful reply to my blurb on softball! Yes, most coed activities are great. And sure, women are underrated as hitters, fielders, pitchers, accountants, truck drivers-life remains an uphill battle for your gender in the face of daily discrimination, but keep that pedal to the medal, and drive right around the occasional broken down old Pinto like me parked too far off the curb! As the merits of your case slowly seep into my stereotype-laden mind, stay tuned, sweetie-I may yet agree with you!

Old Post #14-Iconoclash!

Whitney Houston is going on the Oprah Winfrey Show?! Oh, boy! Gentlemen, start your engines! Diva-va-vrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooooommmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Old Post #13-Uncle Sam Wants...Me?!

Quick thought-Just how 'selective' is Selective Service anyway? I hear anyone between 18 and 40's gotta go if they're drafted, except if you have flat feet or you're gay and stuff.

Old Post #12-Humormonger

Have you seen this former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich guy who's back in the news? He wrote a book. When he disappears from view again, who will be his 'hair heir', I wonder-that is, a person known primarily for having a crazy coif, whatever else his or her accomplishments may be?Examples-record producer ( and convicted murderer ) Phil Spector, Donald Trump, Mr.T...Any candidates?And another thing! I saw the Governor say in a television interview that the accusation made against him that he tried to sell the old Senate seat once held by the Prez was "false AND untrue". Isn't that redundant? Thanks in advance, readers.

Old Post #11-Pet Peeve #3 (Shaw's Craw)-I Hate Kids! Not Really / Yeah Kinda

My job is pretty easy. Count medications. Do bedchecks. Not sleep. From 12:00am till 6:00am-smooooooth sailing! But then comes the tough part-waking the kids up for their day. Boy, are they grumps! And they smell too-mangna cum laude graduates of P.U., every last one of them! And the only rugrat here I like on a regular basis has greasy bangs past his eyes. No biggie, to be sure. ( I've been accused of going heavy on the conditioner a time or 2. ) But I suspect he's crossing his peepers at me in sheer mockery every time we speak. That early a.m. paranoia needs ah-watching, Tinfroyde! Maybe I just need a vacation.

Old Post #10-Pet Peeve #2-I Think Bill O'Reilly Yells Way Too Much-What Say You?

OK. It's 5:30am. I'm working my awake overnight shift, and the Mountain Dew's worn off. I can't think straight, or I'd re-read some Harry Potter or check out today's newspaper that just arrived. The kids aren't up yet, although I hear rustling in their tents. I can't watch any more infomercials about getting rich quick or male enhancement. So I'm giving Mr. O'Reilly a try. Watching 'The Factor', that is. Now old Bill seems quite bright. And he's infinitely charming to his female guests. Sorry, ladies-he's married!But what's with all the screaming?! I mean, according to you guys, Fox is #1 in cable news, and I see no reason to doubt this assertion. So can't you afford some microphones and speak in soft, soothing tones since you're all sitting right there next to each other? Hey-Maybe the president wants to raise taxes too much.Perhaps the war in Afghanistan is time and money well spent.And heck, all those people you think hate you are probably as crazy as you say!But I gotta be honest-when people shout at each other, part of me wants to roll up in a ball on the floor by the office fax machine and suck my thumb. I guess I hear too much of that in my apartment building and at the bus stop. And don't get me started on my childhood!So could you lower the volume just a hair for old Shaw once in a while, Sir? Thanks a lot. And God bless America!

Old Post #9 (" Number 9...Number 9...")-The Beatles

I mean, HOW cool are these guys?! 2 of 'em are dead, Ringo went on Youtube and told everybody to STOP sending him fan mail, and Paul only eats vegetables and gave $50 million to a model who lost her leg and took his kid!And EVERY song holds up, people! Well, almost every song. 'Blue Jay Way' goes on and on, and 'One After 909' just plain stinks, but still!...

Old Post #8-Softball's for Girls

At our staff meeting last week, the Program Director Gerry at Woods Surround Us said that he wants to start a sports league. Beckett for Boys, another group home, has a great baseball diamond and outside football field, basketball court and swimming pool. ( Beckett apparently has a large endowment that allows them to buy and maintain such facilities. ) The Director at Beckett has proposed that the 6 group homes scattered throughout northern New Hampshire start a league, meet every Sunday afternoon from noon until 3:00pm and play alternating sports-soccer one week, basketball the next, then softball...Softball?
Where is it written that every man over the age of 18 has to switch from playing baseball to softball? Is it because baseballs are smaller and harder and hurt more when you're hit by a pitch, get lost in the woods easier when you belt a homer, feel awesome at the end of your bat when you nail a game-winning double in the gap?I just don't get it.
Smacking a softball-Where's the payoff? It's like hitting a wrapped-up wet towel, a kid's backpack or a chunk of sod. And softball is baseball in slow motion. I don't need an extra 10 minutes to turn a double play. No leading and stealing!? Who came up with this one? Or softball in the first place? Did Abner Doubleday have a cousin who never got picked to be on a team? And did this cousin run off and attempt to start a new American pastime? Well, it worked! Are you happy now!?
All the standing around. Pitching underhanded. Going out after the game for appetizers and drinks and talking about work. I'm sorry, but softball is for girls. Bring back baseball. Kids play it still. Any man who doesn't have a son already playing can re-learn the sport by watching games on tv. And we can make any necessary adjustments.-Helmets for all fielders who are scared of being bonked, a 10-run mercy scoring rule to prevent embarassing losses at the hands of much better teams. And after each contest, the losers could be forced to sneak a case of O'Doul's into the restaurant for dinner so any alcoholics present can drink / not drink. Your thoughts?

Old Post #7-Who Needs Insurance?

Not me. That's who. Here's the thing. I'm a healthy 34-year-old. I am employed as an awake overnight counselor at Woods Surround Us, a group home for abused and neglected teenagers located in Cascade Village in Berlin, NH. 'Woods' is kind of a tough love, scared straight deal. Kids come here who can't make it at regular group homes, where they have more freedom to go to school off-site, get a job in the community, play sports, etc. At Woods, you live in tents near the main office building. You get up early, cook, eat and bathe, tend the vegetable and flower gardens and generally work the land until you collapse at bedtime. Roughing it. After a few months of life at Woods, residents return to where they're from to try and make it again, hopefully with a better perspective on their issues and a desire to succeed ( and not return to living outside! )What I do on my job is check on the kids at night, make sure they're sleeping, help them with their tents in rough weather, give out medications or handle crises as they come up-anything from some boy sneaking up on the girls' tent pretending he's a bear and wreaking havoc to a sleepwalker we had once who tumbled into a dying campfire. ( The first aid kit was locked in the inside supply closet. I had to douse poor Shaniqua's charred ankle with 2 half-empty bags of Marshmallows and my co-worker Larry's water bottle! )Any-hoo, I work 30 hours a week, just under the amount I need to qualify for health insurance at Woods. I have been asked a couple times by Administration if I'd like to graduate to a full-time 40-hour week. I'd like the benefits, but I'd hate to take a 1st or 2nd shift instead of the 3rd shift I'm on now. I like the kids at Woods Surround Us much better when they're asleep. All the swearing and attempted smoking and sex between 12:00am and 6:00am is enough-it's 10 times worse during the day when they're actually awake! No. Thank. You.My wife Sandy and I are young and healthy. We exercise a lot, eat healthy and take daily vitamins. We don't smoke and rarely drink. ( Do Shirley Temples count? ) We have some savings in the bank for the occasional doctor visit or overnight trip to Canada. And we have a plan-Maybe try for a baby in a few years and change our jobs around so that one of us has family health insurance through work AND one of us is always with the baby for the 1st few years until he or she starts school. In the meantime, I'd rather get paid more to live a half-decent life. Employers want to pay you less to insure you more or at all, and hey, we have bills, people! Rent, a car payment, cable tv. ..I hear a lot of talk about how the government wants to take over health care. But my Uncle Joe says that in France, a woman has to wait up to 7 months just to get tested to see if she's pregnant-Now that's cutting it close! And in England, I hear if you ask for a check-up in the fall for Seasonal Affective Disorder or S.A.D. ( my cousin Dan's girlfriend Zoe has it ) , with all the back-up's in socialized medicine across the pond, you might not get in to see a doctor until spring, and sure, you may be just starting to come around, but that's after having a real crappy winter.So I'm open to feedback. But I think America should really approach this topic very carefully!

Old Post #6-Soccer's Like Life!

I used to hate soccer. I really did. Europe is right to call it football because that's all you can use, plus your noggin, which hurts like heck unless you hit it at just the right angle with your forehead.I was on a couple teams, and man, was I bored. There are like 11 players on either side. No one really knows strategy when they're 11. I mean, I was just starting to learn how to get out of doing my homework, but that's an unrelated matter.So one year my team was green, a good start because that's my favorite color. I don't remember the team name, maybe a car dealership or a pizza place. Anyway, the coach's son played. Kevin. What a brat! Total ball hog too. And Kevin had the most annoying haircut, not just a moptop-he looked like Nicholas Bradford from 'Eight is Enough' on tv, and given the age difference between Nicholas and his next older sibling, you just knew Nicholas was an accident, but that's not something they could say to his face-it just wasn't that kind of show.Well, Kevin never shut up. Or passed. And you couldn't complain because you'd get benched. His dad, Mr.Kelsey, thought Kevin's poop smelled like roses. Also, Mr.Kelsey combed his thinning hair over his baldspot and yelled a lot. He didn't exactly inspire a lot of respect and confidence in his players. Consequently, our team stunk. Plus we had 2 brand new Polish immigrants, Voytech and Chi-chi, who wore really short shorts and always were blabbing that the Americans, the rest of the team, would never truly understand the meaning of the game. At least they never passed it to Kevin and vice versa. So it was kinda funny to watch all 3 of them screaming at each other. From the bench. I was skinny and small and according to Mr. Kelsey didn't have the 'eye of the tiger'. ( I found out a year later that I was actually terribly near-sighted and got the Coke bottle eyeglasses that I require to this day. I found out 2 years later from my cousin Dan that the 'eye of the tiger' reference was from Rocky 3. )So soccer to me seemed for years to be a waste of time. A lot of running around and low scoring-2-1, 1-0. Whoopee!But then looking at my friend's baby boy's picture on Facebook recently, I saw the glow in Connor's eyes, and it suddenly dawned on me. Soccer's like life! 'It's the journey, not the destination.' In life, you run around like crazy all day. You don't score anywhere near enough-ace that test, finish that presentation just how you want it for tomorow's meeting, save up enough money to buy that birthday gift you know the Mrs. would love-but that's not the point! You have to laugh along the way, learn from mistakes and rest assurred every night when you turn in that, despite any frustrations, it's 'better to have loved ( or played soccer ) than never to have loved at all ( or played soccer )'.So here's a question I put to all the little athletes, band members and scouts out there-benchwarmers, superstars and every tyke in between -What's the most important thing in any endeavor in life?-1) Being a good sport.2) Having fun.3) Winning.Right, #3-winning. No just kidding! It's a tie between #1 and #2. And I already talked about trying hard, which I guess would be #4. So rock on!( PS-Hey, Christine-little Connor looks just like you, except for his big nose, but he'll grow into that. Don't you worry! )

Old Post #5-35,040 down, only 402,960 to go!

Married hours, that is. My friends just celebrated their 4-year anniversary. Congratulations to HHH and Destiny! No mean feat, that! A drop in the bucket, some of my older friends would say at Every Day Above Ground, the assisted living facility I volunteer at every Sunday morning, playing my accordion for and card games with my pals.Just think, HHH and Destiny-You were only 20 when you got hitched. So you could EASILY get 50 more years in before you're through. Imagine-celebrating your golden anniversary when you still can really enjoy it!Not to embarass maybe my closest chums, but you see, HHH is 2 years in recovery. His nickname didn't come from the wrestler, whom HHH still loves, but the sorely missed Jay 'Pooky' Lance called HHH that ( real name Rick Close ) back when they got high together. You see, HHH could snort 3 itmes more heroin than anyone else in a sitting. A dubious distinction and a dumb joke to be sure, but like I said, they were on drugs.So along comes Destiny-you guessed it, an exotic dancer ( DO NOT call her them strippers-Trust me! ) And through the mist machine and a standing-room-only crowd one Friday night, she sees something in the deadbeat doofus HHH used to be...Flash forward a few months. At the request of HHH / Chris, Destiny is Lynn again and working check-out at Wal Mart. Chris is there too, stocking part-time and studying computer programming at the tech.Well, Sandy and I couldn't be happier for them. We get together at least every other weekend for a movie night out, or it's over to our place for a few drinks ( soda or lemonade ) and a little grilling-"When are you two going to start having kids!?"

Old Post #4-Nice Advice

There's so much to clean and do around the apartment. I really have no business blogging. So I'm going to have to tell my wife Sandy I'm up to good. Can you help me out? People are always telling me I have a lot of common sense and good ideas. Maybe I can pass something along to you?-Relationship tips, social etiquiette, positive pat's ( on the back )-Try me! The worst that could happen is I say I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.I may not be as wise as some of the newspaper columnists from days of yore. But what, with the internet, texting and general instantaneous-ness, it's a "whole new world..." ( Name that Disney movie! )

Old Post #3-Pet Peeve #1-Do you WANT me to break my neck?

Well, I'm new to this whole blog business. And I know I should start out by talking more about my past-you know, what makes me me-but I thought I'd take it slow. There are a lot of little things that bother me. But I don't talk about them because I'm no wave maker, and a lot of what gets my goat up can't be changed anyway.First on the list-Wet bathroom floors! OK, you showered, maybe brushed your teeth, blowdried your hair, left the bathroom a mess...?...Wait, is that last one really necessary? If I'm coming in after you, is it too much to ask you to dry the place up with your towel? A quick wipe? I sure hate stepping in there with my new comfy socks on, and then I have to throw them straight into the dirty laundry hamper because they're sopping wet. A little consideration please!

Old Post #2-Sign Right Up!

Would you believe that when I started this blog, I didn't even know my astrological sign? Apparently, it's important to a lot of people. So I went a-googling for mine. I'm a Taurus. Not the car by Ford.I seem to have a lot of my horoscopey traits.-Mellow. Check.Easygoing. Aaahhh-ffirmative."Slow to arouse." Well, I guess it depends on who you ask! No, just kidding. My wife Sandy and I have no problems in that department.

Old Post #1-My Profile Picture

What's with the flannel shirt !?Hey, it's just plain comfortable. I get asked a lot about Seattle and grunge music because of it. Yeah, I remember the early 90's. But that stuff was all a downer. And I wear v-neck t-shirts like ALL summer. My cousin Dan gave me all his because he got them on sale, washed them beFORE he wore them-his major shrinkage, my score!